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When men say I love you….

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when-men-say-i-love-you….

By Vera-Chidi Maha

LOVE! We hear it every day from different men. A man sights a lady he wants and only thing he’s man enough to say to her is ‘I love you.’ 

Firstly, it is imperative to look at the true definition of love. Love is defined as a strong feeling for somebody or something, especially a member of your family or friend. We are familiar with this kind of love. After all, most people love members of their families. We care for one another. Some women feel it will be more dignifying for a man to say to a lady he likes, ‘I like you’. But these days, what we get is some men that do not even know the definition of the word love, but they use it anyway. Well, the news for the guys is that the false declaration does not move ladies anymore. Women are not fools. They are smarter these days, and they are fully aware of what the men mean when they say ‘I love you’.

We have had cases of men who profess love to their partners, yet disrespect them. How do we begin to explain cases where a man tells a lady he is madly in love with her, yet he hides her? Can we then say he loves her in bed, but does not want to be seen with her?  Well, whether we like it or not, this happens all the time. Okay, we have heard of love at first sight, and we have  heard of sex at first sight.

Speaking to some male respondents on why they have chosen to feed their female counterparts with lies and more lies instead of calling a spade a spade. Below is how they react.

John Amos

I’m a different person. I do not tell lies to a lady just to get her to bed. When I tell a lady, I love her, I mean it. You know, you ladies are like babies and you need to be pampered. Ladies generally need to be constantly reassured of her man’s feeling for her, else she would start feeling neglected or rejected. Will you consider these reassurances from men as lies, I don’t think so. It will be rude for a gentleman to walk up to a lady and say to her, I want to sleep with you. Any man that does that will have to have his head re-examined. It is also wrong for man to tell a lady at first sight, ‘I love you’. There are ways to express your feelings to a lady without necessarily saying so many words. After all, actions, they say, speak louder than words.

Conclusively, I tell you this much, when a man says to a lady ‘I love you’, he means just that.

Sunday Anene

I do not tell a lady, I love her if I don’t mean it. Why should I? Women, it is difficult to ascertain what you want from us guys. You complain when a guy professes his love for you and when he doesn’t, you still complain. I have been married now for eighteen years and I think to a great extent, I know a thing or two about a woman’s needs.

For security reasons, let me limit my observations to my wife. My wife’s day is never complete, if you don’t call her to say ‘I love you’. She loves me to send her cards, flowers, text messages for no reason at all. She likes it when I leave messages on my way out and above all, she likes it when I compliment her.

Niyi Abioye

At the risk of sounding like a male chauvinist, I dare to say that some women love to listen to lies more than anything else. This is possibly why a man can say one thing to a lady and mean something else. Have you ever wondered why some irresponsible men seem to get the best girls? The reason is not far-fetched. Some ladies do not like sincere guys. You will see them flock around the men that will have chains of them. When a man is truly in love with them and let the woman in question know about it, his feeling is most likely to get thrown back on his face. The woman, on their part, should appreciate true love when they find it.

Sylvester Kwentua

Any woman in her right senses would look scornfully at a man who walks up to her asking for sex. It does not reflect the man as being responsible, decent or event sensible.

In Africa, issues of sex are believed not to be discussed. It is an agreement between two lovers when they are within the confines of a room. An average woman needs a relationship based on love, trust and honesty, but most men need relationships based on sex.

But how does a man go about telling a woman that he is all about sex and not love?  He won’t ever enjoy the company of any lady, if he goes talking to any about sex unless she is a prostitute.

In advanced countries, for instance, Europe and America, sex could happen between a man and woman after the first meeting which could occur some minutes earlier. Sex is not a big issue over there, but in Africa, the reverse is the case.

Any true son of the soil, who knows the cultural beliefs, will not just dabble into the issue of sex without building a relationship.

Stephen Chukwuyemike

Love, for so many people, means different things and it is used in different ways, just to get what we want and need. Love, to me, means affection without tears and it does no harm to its receiver. But today, love has been abused and used unjustly, just to get our selfish desires met, no matter the consequences.

Some men, in this present generation, haven’t used this four- letter word to deceive a lot of women, simply because the word literally means genuity, but it has been turned around. Some men say to ladies, I love when they actually mean I am lusting after you. Most men want sex, not relationship. And they know the only way to get the woman’s affection is to propose love to her and by so doing, the woman will feel appreciated. Sometimes, the men may be for real, but most times, it does not turn out to be true.

When the man has succeeded in getting her to bed, the so-called ‘love’ begins to fade and the man will begin to withdraw and this will in the long run leave the woman bitter and heartbroken.

My advice is that women who are smart should always try to study men and not fall for some cheap lies they tell.

Wale Balogun

No doubt that experiences of ladies over time have made common the opinion that most guys say ‘I love you,’ when the real desire is just to have a feel of the victim (the lady being wooed) in bed. But the reality is most guys who spend weeks pursuing a lady, burning call credit to achieve entry into her heart, and spending some hard-earned money on dates and sometimes gifts really would want much more than just love-making. However, the natural phenomenon that makes a guy see a lady as an angel prior to ‘bed time’ and then as a devil incarnate post ‘bed time’ is a mystery that is yet to be unravelled, as this experience is as old as man itself.

The truth is no right-thinking lady would give in to a guy who bluntly asks for sex on first contact, except she is prostitute. It is modest to first establish some kind of relationship before biding for sex.

Besides, we have come to learn that what an average lady appreciates is such beautiful and well-thought-out praises and psyches that would always end with the controversial statement ‘I love you’, though she knows it is just a regular statement that has been so abused, yet she appreciates it, at least, it makes her feel the intended fling is real.

It would be so ridiculing and immodest for a guy to tell a lady I want to sleep with you when he has not picked her on the street. Though the world has turned into such a gorilla world where a guy and a lady would, as patrons of infidelity, agree to be sexmate, and they keep sharing beds outside their legal or say matrimonial commitments and bonds.

So Vera, it has become an experience we can’t but live with, for a guy to walk his way into the heart of a lady under the guise of seeking true love when what he really craves for is emotional and sexual satisfaction.

To the ladies, I advise that you make spiritual consultations to x-ray the sincerity on which the ‘I love you’ a guy says to you is built. A few of us are still around town with a hundred and ten per cent sincerity when impressing what we feel for a lady. When it is likeness, we say it is likeness and when it grows into love, we say it is love, though we could sometimes express our love for certain features and attitudes in those we admire.

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