By Vera Chidi-Maha
It is no secret that physical love is a primary need for men. If wives can contribute to their husbands’ happiness in the areas most dear to their hearts, they will have greater success in other areas that are crucial to their wellbeing.
It has been observed that more often than not, sexual relationship is a low priority in the minds of some women.
This, of course, has not been a deliberate thing. It is just that there are so many other things screaming for her attention, such as raising children, work, finances, home-keeping, emotional stress, exhaustion, sickness and so on.
In the wife’s juggling of her priorities, sex can end up at the bottom of her list. I sought to know from some wives the degrees they place their husbands’ needs for sex in marriage.
Joan Mordi (marriage counsellor)
For a wife, sex comes out of affection. She does not want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel unsupported, overworked, hurt, lonely, angry and so on.
But for a husband, sex is purely a need. His eyes, brain and emotions get clouded if he doesn’t have that release. He has trouble bearing anything his wife says or seeing what she needs when that area of his being is neglected.
Wives sometimes have it backwards. They think they can have sex after they get other issues settled. But actually there is a far greater chance of settling the other issues if sex comes first.
In my eight years of counselling of couples, I have come to appreciate that sex should be given a very top priority in marriage; else, the marriage might be on its way down, God forbid.
Yetunde Osemiha (a grandma)
It is important to make sex a matter of priority in one’s marriage. I have been married for over 30 years and I can authoritatively tell you this.
Whether all conditions are perfect or whether you feel like it or not, does not matter. The point is meeting the needs of your husband and keeping communications lines open.
A man can easily be made to feel insignificant, beaten down, discouraged, or worse still, tempted in this area of his being.
There is probably no better means of fulfilment for a man than this, and no area where he is more vulnerable than this also.
The truth of the matter is when you starve your husband of sex all the time, it will take the very special grace of God for him to remain faithful to you.
Most men tend to look for sexual satisfaction elsewhere. A wife should give to her husband whenever he wants it. It is wicked for a woman to hold back from her man.
There is no excuse to deny your husband sex, except in rare cases of monthly periods or illnesses, but any other excuse does not hold water at all.
Sex should not be a top priority in marriage at all. Why should it be? There are more important issues in marriage than sex. The couple should plan for the future. They should consider ways of making extra income to make the family more comfortable instead of thinking about sex all the time.
The earlier part of our marriage was a bit about sex, sex and more sex, but two years later, the realities began to set in and we knew that all hands needed to be on deck or else, the family will go broke.
There should be time for everything. Time for sex, time for the kids, time for work, in what order they should be? I leave that to the couple concerned.
Sex between a husband and his wife is God’s idea. Unless we are fasting and praying for weeks at a time, or are experiencing physical infirmity or separation, there is no excuse not to engage in it regularly.
The moment we are married, our bodies are not our own. We owe each other physical attention and we are not to deprive one another.
The frequency of sex depends on the other person’s needs not ours alone. When a husband is sexually satisfied, something is built up in the man and the marriage. When he is not sexually satisfied, something in him and the marriage diminishes.
You leave each other open for temptation and far more destruction than you can imagine. If your husband desires sex more frequently, pray to God to give you the grace to meet up with his demands.
As a wife, I would agree that sex is important in marriage. However, when children begin to come, it becomes the most difficult time to deal with the issue of sex.
Kids can hardly do anything for themselves, so by the time you give them their bath, feed and clothe them, at the end of the day, naturally, the only thing that will be in your mind is getting to sleep as soon as possible.
I want to say here that a good husband should appreciate and respect his wife when she is truly exhausted. Asking her to do anything else for that day, I will say is selfish.
The importance of sex in marriage cannot be overemphasized. Bad things develop when the sexual part of a marriage is neglected. No husband or wife should let that happen.
Couples should not allow much time to go by without coming together physically.
It is important for wives to note that an important part of their ministry to their husbands is sexual. It should not be used as a weapon or a means of manipulation by giving and withholding it for selfish reason.