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Tearing up another heart

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tearing-up-another-heart

Yetunde Oladehinde

WHO needs a heart, when a heart can be broken. That is the love zone puzzle. If you have gone through an emotional somersault before, you become wary of the antics in the arena. Fantasies? Forget it!  Love, victims would tell you is for only dreamers and hearts fresh from the emotional farm. For old timers, you can take a flashback down memory lane and compare notes.

It is the time of life when we all imagine that love was this invincible and you just want everything to flow without thinking about the consequence of your action or inaction.

Just while you are putting up all the emotional defence to make thing work forever, ensuring that what you have can be equated to the bulletproof force that is immune to outside influence, impervious to evil and capable of overcoming all obstacles.

Unfortunately, many do not stay too long on the emotional island. As soon as they settle down to the beauty of love and the affection that comes with it, they realise that there is competition within. Other hearts are jostling for positions and at the end of the emotional struggle, the winner takes it all. Folarin is a victim and somehow he still has not got himself back. What happened? The poor heart suddenly discovered that his fiancée was sleeping with his best friend. That was not all. The saddest part of the discovery was that she started cheating on him barely three weeks after they met.

The smart girl was dating both of them simultaneously and his friend knew all along. He was the only one who was in the dark until that bubble was ruptured, never to be restored again.

Truth of the matter here is that love can be stupid. Many do so many things they do not even understand and remain a fool for love. Many times, the signs are actually there, but we may choose to ignore them because of some genuine or selfish reasons.

This is a change of attitude, outlook and habits that can point to the fact that something is going on. Of course, there are times when the other person is consistent and there are no clues at all. Another case with young loving heart comes to mind here.

Dotun is a ladies’ man. They just can’t resist him, and for a while, his friends thought he was never going to settle down with a single babe. “I thought so too and most times, I was always afraid that I may not be able to stick to a particular babe forever.”

About a year ago, he met Omowunmi at a party and from that moment, he just could not take his eyes and heart away from this beauty. It wasn’t just her beauty alone. There was something magnetic about the way she talked, laughed and just everything about her”.

Now that he had found love, everything that he did tilted in her favour and direction. To impress the angel of his life, Dotun began to make arrangements for a grand wedding. One of the biggest steps was a new house, but he did not tell Omowunmi because he wanted it to be a surprise. Everything required must be in place before he brings her to the place.

One Saturday morning, the guy who made the furniture wanted to come and deliver them. Dotun went with them very early in the morning and while they were moving the furniture in, her dear Omowunmi stepped out of the flat downstairs scantily dressed, his neighbour, James, also stepped out in his pyjamas. They talked for a few minutes and in a short while, they started cuddling one another.

Wait a minute! This is for real. The girl he finally gave his heart to was fooling him, and this bitch was not in love with him.  She didn’t see Dotun and he decided to record the love proceedings. It was all over, but, of course, he would need this evidence to prove that he was not looking for an excuse, just because he wants to ditch her for another babe.

Love can be really naughty, but again, you can’t judge a heart based on your criteria for emotion. Who you fall in love with, how you access the heart in question and your rationale for keeping or dumping something you crave for can only be best understood by no one, but you.

To avoid being in an emotional scam, you must understand your spouse’s feeling and if the attention is for you or for another. If your partner has been making elaborate excuses for not meeting you or spending time with you, then there is great cause for alarm. In addition, if the heart that you really love has been ignoring your calls and messages, then there is fire on the emotional mountain.

The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself , compromising the relationship as a whole. The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need a relationship with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keep a relationship exciting and full of good fire.

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